


(hush, my dear) it’s been a difficult year

by future_out_of_focus



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Living!Phantoms AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29068785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/future_out_of_focus/pseuds/future_out_of_focus
Summary: “I’m impressed you remember my name,” Julie says, taking a bite out of her food. She’s pleasantly surprised to discover it’s good — at least for dining hall food standards.“Well, Luke talks about you a lot,” Reggie admits offhandedly, more focused on preventing his sandwich from breaking apart.Julie stops mid-bite and stares at Reggie. She watches as Bobby elbows him and quickly adds:“Luke and Alex talk about you. They think you’re cool,” Bobby says.---Or: the college AU in which they are all RAs that no one asked for.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 22
Kudos: 153





	1. your time will come, if you wait for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very self-indulgent idea that I couldn't get out of my head, so I figured why not write it. It's also my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic and my first fic for the JATP fandom. Completely unbeta'ed, so all mistakes are mine.  
> \--  
> Fic title from "Bad Liar" by Imagine Dragons.  
> Chapter title from "Amsterdam" by Imagine Dragons.

**_i._ **

One thing they don’t tell you about grief is how it can show up when you least expect it.

How you can be totally fine one minute and the next the ache you finally managed to forget about resurfaces. And how when that happens your throat closes up.

Julie tries one of the breathing exercises that Dr. Turner has taught her, trying to keep herself from crying. She takes a few deep breaths. Closes her eyes trying to block the sunlight.

She really was not expecting to get triggered by something so insignificant as a stray cat, but that’s really what does it.

Walking to orientation day for her new job as an RA — one that she has truly forgotten she even applied for before she got the email telling her she got it about a month ago – she decided to take the longer route that went through a park.

She lives in one of the residence halls on the east side of campus with Flynn, her best friend since middle school, and HGC Hall — where she’ll work — is on the other side of it. This park where she’s currently having some sort of breakdown lies right in between, just a few blocks from HGC.

She was listening to “The River” from Imagine Dragons when she saw it. A black cat walking by. The cat didn’t even notice, but Julie did and that was enough.

Julie is taken back to one rainy spring morning when she was probably in middle school — maybe freshman year of high school? She can’t quite remember and that almost triggers a bigger panic attack, but she’s able to fight as she remembers the other details.

Her mother was driving her to school, both singing to a song on the radio. She remembers it was this old song from a famous Brazilian singer, “Un gato en la oscuridad.” The song talks about this man who is missing someone he lost. And there’s this blue and sad cat that watches him as he does so.

_“Why does it talk about a blue cat if they aren’t really a thing?” Julie asked._

_Ever since she heard the song, she always wondered about that. Her mother gave her a quick glance, a soft smile on her face._

_“You’re right. Blue cats don’t exist,”_

_“I always figured it was a reference to feeling sadness, but the song says that the cat is blue AND sad,” Julie continued. “That’s just too redundant, if blue’s a reference to sadness.”_

_“Correct. And besides, the color blue being associated with sadness is something just among English-speakers. ‘Being blue’ doesn’t hold the same meaning in Spanish,” her mother added._

_Julie nods as she just listens to the song, letting herself feel the melancholic feel it has._

_“The song was originally written in Italian and it was called ‘Un gatto nel blu,’” her mother explained. “Now, in that version ‘blu’ is referencing the blue of the night sky, meaning the darkness of the night. But when they translated into Spanish, they figured they’d keep that blue as a nod to the original version. So it became a blue cat.”_

_“That’s so cool. I don’t think I could imagine the song without it,”_

_“I agree. So yeah, even though cats aren’t blue, it goes with the essence of the song. And that’s the thing about music. It doesn’t matter how much you change it, when translated the essence of a song should remain the same. Music really has no barriers, mija, because it’s all about the emotion behind it. I just want you to always remember that.”_

Julie Molina lost her mother less than a year ago and she still truly doesn’t know how she’s going to spend the rest of her life without her.

Case in point, her walking towards orientation for a job she isn’t really sure she wants (but she couldn’t in good conscience turn down free room and board). She should be working on her papers or preparing for a performance to save her spot in the music program. Instead here she is. Talking herself down from a panic attack.

The wind ruffles her hair a little bit, and she adjusts her jacket. Breathing isn’t so difficult anymore, so she resumes her walk.

She ends up outside HGC Hall. She watches as two students leave the building through the main doors at the top of the stairs. 

Julie checks her phone one last time before walking up.

Once inside, she finds the second door that requires a card to open. She can see the front desk, where a long-haired boy sits behind it. He hits a button after he sees her and the door makes a noise. She opens the door and steps in.

“Hey, how can I help you?” he asks politely as Julie gets closer.

“Hi,” she narrows her eyes and reads his name tag, “Willie. I’m here for RA train–”

A loud thud followed by a yelp coming from the door on the right of the front desk interrupts her sentence. Julie looks in that direction, concerned. Turns to look at Willie, who just sighs.

Moments later, the door opens and two boys stumble out of it, still arguing.

“How does it feel to keep losing to me?” says one of the guys, just as he turns to face her so Julie can take a better look at him.

And yes, alright, she admits that the first thing she notices is that he’s cute, or more specifically, that he has a really cute smile. The guy is wearing a shirt that he has clearly cut the sleeves off of and a bright orange beanie, and yet here she is being much more distracted by the dimple next to his smile and the way his eyes crinkle.

She watches as the guy walks over to the desk and hands Willie a notepad.

The other guy, flannel over his white T-shirt, just scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You keep winning just because you play dirty,” he says, narrowing his eyes.

A third guy wearing a pink hoodie comes out of the door, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh come on, guys,” the third guy says to the other two. “I’m sorry about them,” he addresses Julie now.

Willie clicks his tongue and snaps his fingers. “Oh actually, guys, she’s here for RA orientation.”

“Oh, no way!” the guy wearing a beanie exclaims, clearly very excited. “You’re one of the new RAs? That’s awesome! I’m Luke, by the way, and this is…”

“Reggie, hey” says the guy with the flannel, lifting his index finger and nodding once at her.

“And I’m Alex, how’s it going,” says the guy in the hoodie, _Alex_ , waving at her. 

Julie offers them a smile. “I’m Julie.”

Reggie nods approvingly before his eyes widen comically. “Wait, if you’re here it means I need to go to my orientation.”

Right on cue, his phone starts ringing. He picks it up as he leaves. “Hey, Bobby, yes, I’m on my way. Yep, please try to stall ‘cuz I might get there a little late…”

Reggie waves goodbye as he leaves.

Luke and Alex watch him go. Alex just shakes his head. Then Luke turns to look at Julie.

“So Julie, you ready for this?”

Julie shrugs, not really sure if she is. “I hope so.”

“Is this your first year?” Alex asks.

“As an RA? Yes,” Julie nods.

“I see. Well, Caleb can be a little… difficult, I guess, but as long as you turn things on time, and you’re always early to meetings, then you should be fine.”

“Exactly,” Luke nods in agreement. “His motto is, ‘Early is on time and on time is late,’ so you’re already on the right path being here before 10 today,” he adds in, grinning.

Alright, look, Julie is enough of a grown up to admit when someone is attractive. And Luke is, objectively speaking of course, an attractive man. Julie has no problem admitting that. But there’s something in his smile that makes her internally swoon.

“Don’t worry, we’ll help you,” Luke says, still smiling. And alright, her heart does skip a beat at that, so she has to look away.

***

Julie forgets all about the guys once orientation it’s over. She focuses on finishing the semester. After all, there’s a spot she needs to save.

When her mother passed away a few weeks into her sophomore year, Julie almost quit college. She knows she could’ve taken a year off, or at least a semester, like her father insisted, but she couldn’t fathom being at home and not seeing her mom there. She’s already dreading going back for the summer.

What she hadn’t accounted for was the fact that she was a music major, which meant she was expected to sing in front of people, to perform. And after her mother, she couldn’t do it. Her mother was music and music was her mother. Julie felt like she couldn’t have one without the other. It was just too painful.

That put her spot in the program in jeopardy.

The obvious outcome happened because no matter how hard she practiced, when the day of her final performance came along, she sat behind the piano, looked at the audience and… ran away.

She saw her professor’s disappointed face as she ran past her.

Julie runs all the way to her room, her throat closing up. Once inside, she breaks and starts sobbing.

That’s how Flynn finds her.

“Oh, Jules,” she just says, dropping her backpack on the ground and wrapping her arms around Julie.

“I couldn’t do it, Flynn. I tried. I’ve been trying,”

“I know you have. It’s going to be fine, I promise,”

Julie doesn’t quite believe her, but she allows herself to be comforted by Flynn’s words. She tries not to dwell on what her mother would think. Julie’s positive that her mom would not blame her for what’s happening.

Yet she can’t stop feeling like she’s just let her down.

* * *

**_ii._ **

Summer passes by in a blur.

Julie takes a couple of classes, trying to figure out what to do with her life now that she’s officially out of the music program.

She still hasn’t sung a single note, and most days she can’t even listen to music, and her father and brother don’t know what to do to help her. Julie doesn’t either. It’s not like she hasn’t gone to therapy (because she has), but music is something that meant so much to her and her mom and Julie just can’t bring herself to do it now that she’s not here.

It feels weird that life goes on when her mother’s didn’t. That there’s a space at home where she used to be and now she is not. That Julie still expects to see her making breakfast with dad, humming whatever new song she’s working on. Or just sitting on the couch, as Carlos talks her ear out about his newest game. Or just eager to hear how Julie’s doing in school.

Maybe that’s why Julie remained at school when her dad insisted she could take a semester off.

Flynn is resolute to help her, though, and that’s how they end up at Eats ‘N Beats on open mic night. “Exposure therapy if you will,” Flynn had explained. “You get to just enjoy music and be around other musicians. You don’t have to perform.”

“I know,” she’d agreed, and now here she was, listening to some up and coming band playing, as she sips from her drink. The band’s good, but Julie notices there’s something missing in their sound. Maybe a new voice? Maybe a piano?

She flexes her fingers, and can almost feel them itching to play something. She wonders once again, where she would be if last year hadn’t happened. She’d definitely be onstage, probably singing some original song she wrote with her mother.

Julie shakes her head, and tries to enjoy the music. It’s not hard, the band is good and the music is catchy. She starts bobbing her head to it and she can feel Flynn watching her, almost expectantly, and trying and failing to be subtle about it.

Julie is very aware that her dad, Carlos, tía Victoria, Flynn, they all are waiting for her to sing again. They all seem so sure she’s going to do it, and Julie wishes she had the same belief.

Instead, she can almost see her mother sitting in the front row, cheering her on. Instead, there’s a heavy feeling in her chest when she thinks that the next time she sings, she performs — if that time ever comes — the one person who inspired all the music won’t be there.

* * *

**_iii._ **

By the end of the summer, the house feels very suffocating, so Julie is extremely relieved that she has to come back to school a few weeks earlier for her official orientation as an RA.

She moves into HGC Hall on a Thursday. The hall is widely regarded as the music hall — it is traditionally where most art and music majors usually live their freshman year.

Though Julie had taken a tour of the dorm during that one-day orientation in the spring, she realizes how old that building is as she goes to the elevators and smells like wet clothes. She reminds herself the job comes with great benefits, so she can handle some mould.

Her room isn’t too big, and she won’t be sharing it with anyone so that’s always a plus. It still has one of those old furnaces for the winter, but at least it has its own sink..

The next day her alarm wakes her up at 6 a.m. She has kind of forgotten the feeling of waking up so early, but it’s her first official day and she remembers Luke’s words from spring orientation about Caleb valuing punctuality, so Julie sits up.

And immediately stops. She hasn’t thought about him all summer. Her brain had other things to think about than daydreaming about Luke’s cute smile — yes, she’s still stuck on that, what about it? — but now she wonders if he has thought about her, too.

Chances are Luke probably doesn’t even remember her.

Julie finds Willie at the front desk again. He looks sleepy, this time with his hair up in a bun.

“Morning, Julie,” he says as he fights a yawn off.

She smiles at him, happy he remembers her name. She unsuccessfully tries to conceal her own yawn. “Morning.”

In the conference room, she finds some of her co-workers looking like they’d rather be still asleep. In the front row sits Carrie Wilson.

Oh, right. She had also forgotten how surprised she was to find Carrie Wilson sitting in the conference room that orientation day in the spring. The last person she expected to find.

Julie met her two years ago as Carrie was also part of the music program. They even had a few classes together during freshman year.

Julie thought they were sort of becoming friends. But any friendship they might have had got cut off when Julie shut everyone off. And now, Julie’s sure Carrie hates her, at least a little bit. She just nods at Carrie, who huffs but nods, because she might hate her, but she’s polite.

There’s a hot pot of coffee ready on the main table and Julie immediately pours herself a cup.

As she takes a seat, she spots Luke — once again wearing a shirt that he clearly cut the sleeves off of (does this boy not own regular tank tops? Is he allergic to sleeves? Julie has a lot of questions) — through the window, nudging Alex towards the front desk. Alex glares at Luke, but with hands in his pockets, steps closer to the desk and starts talking to Willie.

Luke smirks and says something before walking to the conference room, a bounce in his step, (how does he have so much energy before 7 in the morning?)

He spots Julie and breaks out into a huge grin. Alright, Julie still thinks his smile is very cute. Great. Good to know. That’s not going to be a problem at all.

“Julie! It’s so good to see you!” he says as he plops himself down on the seat next to her. And Julie can barely fight off the smile on her face at knowing that he does in fact remember her. “Did you move in alright?”

Julie nods, briefly looking at him. “Yeah. Totally forgot our rooms had sinks though. Talk about luxury, right?”

Luke nods, faking seriousness.

“Definitely. A sink is a sign of luxury ‘round these grounds. We could be at Corbin and just have a regular old dorm room,”

They both shudder at the thought. “Glad we’re not there,” she says, grinning.

But she can tell Luke’s mind has wandered once again when she sees him looking through the window to where Alex and Willie are engrossed in conversation. Julie sees Willie smile.

“They’re cute, huh?” she asks.

“Totally,” Luke replies, not even turning to look at her, a soft smile on his face as he watches Alex laugh at something Willie said.

“And yet Alex still refuses to ask him out,” Luke adds.

Julie turns her head so fast, in shock.

“Wait, so they’re not together?”

Luke shakes his head.

“Unbelievable,”

Alex finally joins them, a little distracted and softly smiling to himself. Just as their complex director, Caleb Covington, walks in the room, dressed to the nines even though it’s only 6:30 in the morning.

“Welcome everyone!” he says in the fakest cheerful voice Julie has ever heard. “This is officially our first day as the HGC Hall housing staff for this year. Thank you all for being here,” he zeroes in on Luke. “Especially, you Luke. I’m glad you’ve decided to start the year with the right foot and actually be here on time.”

Luke points at him, a smirk on his face. “What can I say, man? I like to be unpredictable.”

The rest of the day is spent listening to more boring talks. Luke and Alex sit next to her and offer commentary, which makes the boring lectures a little less boring.

At lunchtime, once she has her plate full of questionable tacos from the dining hall on one hand and a drink on the other, she goes in search of a place to sit. As she scans the place, a guy Julie vaguely recognizes waves at her.

“Hey, it’s Julie!” the guy yells and motions for her to come sit with him and his friend who Julie doesn’t recognize at all. She tries to remember where she knows the first guy from as she approaches the table.

“Hey...” she says as she puts her tray down on the table and slowly sits down.

“Reggie, I’m Reggie. We met during orientation back in April,” he offers, seeing her confusion.

“Oh right, right. You’re friends with Luke and Alex, right?”

He nods, smiling widely. “Yeah! I’m also an RA at Lessa Hall. This is Bobby,”

“Also an RA there. Nice to meet you,” Bobby says, waving at her and offering her a smile. He’s wearing a black shirt and giving off Jack White from The White Stripes vibes.

“I’m impressed you remember my name,” Julie says, taking a bite out of her tacos. She’s pleasantly surprised to discover they’re good – at least for dining hall food standards.

“Well, Luke talks about you a lot,” Reggie admits offhandedly, more focused on preventing his sandwich from breaking apart.

Julie stops mid-bite and stares at Reggie. She watches as Bobby elbows him and quickly adds:

“Luke and Alex talk about you. They think you’re cool,” Bobby says.

Julie hesitates but ultimately decides not to press any further. Instead, she changes the subject. “Are you two returning RAs?”

Reggie nods at the same time that Bobby shakes his head.

“This is my first year as an RA,” Bobby elaborates.

“Mine too,” Julie exclaims, excitedly.

Bobby breaks out into a grin. “Dude, yes! Finally someone who understands.”

He puts his hand up and Julie high fives him.

“Oh shut up about that, dude,” Reggie says.

“No, I won’t. You guys keep reminding me that I’m the new guy here, and now there’s Julie and we can learn all about this stupid job together,”

Julie snorts. “If it’s stupid, why are you working here then?”

“Because these assholes are RAs. And we hang out all the time. Might as well get paid for doing that, you know,” Bobby explains.

“Valid, very valid,” she agrees, nodding.

Flynn seriously considered applying just to be with Julie, but she loved her job at the dance department and that ultimately prevailed.

“So what’s your major, Julie?”

Julie clears her throat. “Um, well I’m a junior, but I’m undeclared as of right now.”

They both exchange a look. “Oh. Switching majors?” Reggie asks.

Julie looks down at her food. “Something like that,” she says, trying not to make a face.

She doesn’t want to think about that right now, and even though she can tell that Reggie wants to ask more about that, she hopes he just drops it.

Luckily, she’s saved by Luke and Alex loudly walking over to their table, carrying trays of food.

“Boys, you won’t believe what I–” Luke stops in his tracks when he notices Julie’s sitting with them. “Oh. Hi, Julie,” he says.

Alex pushes past him as he sits down. “I see you found our boys,” he comments.

“More like they found me,” she answers.

Julie hangs out with them during the next few orientation sessions, and she loves every minute of it. Makes her miss Flynn a little less.

Later, Julie can’t sleep. She keeps turning and turning in bed, her mind going miles per hour, words stuck in her head, almost in a loop. She covers her head with the pillow, trying to silence them. The attempt proves futile.

She finally gives in, kicks the cover and grabs a notebook. Writes the verses and rips the paper off, almost angrily. She’s so tired she wants to just go to sleep.

Julie puts the piece of paper into a box in her closet.

Her last thought before finally falling asleep is that this is the first time in a while that her verses are not related to her grief.

* * *

**_iv._ **

A week into the two-week orientation, Julie figures out one of her favorite things of being an RA: decorating the halls. Each floor has a couple of bulletin boards that the RA in charge changes every month. They are also allowed to add any other decorations to the walls and doors in the hall.

Most RAs hate this part of the job, as Julie has learnt so far, and she gets it. But Julie, as the artist that she is, loves doodling and drawing and painting so she has been pretty pumped by the prospect of doing that. Especially now that she can’t be creative in the way she loves the most. So the minute she gets her key to the RA Resource Room (or the RARR, as Reggie calls it. “Everyone calls it that, Julie,” he had said, rolling his eyes, when she questioned the veracity of his statement), she immediately goes there.

The room itself is nothing much. It has tables for crafting and rolls of construction paper on vertical paper cutters, a couple of guillotine paper cutters on the tables and other tools needed to make bulletin boards. In this particular instance, it also has Luke Patterson, jamming to “Mamma Mia.”

Julie stops on her tracks when Luke, his back to her, gets the stapler he’s using as a mic closer to his mouth and sings along to the chorus. “ _Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted, blue since the day we parted_.”

Julie tries to suppress her laugh and that has Luke finally quickly turning around and seeing he has an audience. He sings the last part of the song while looking at her and playing up his performance even more. “ _Why, why did I ever let you go. Mamma mia, now I really know. My, my, I could never let you go._ ”

Julie claps, impressed. “That was amazing.”

Luke bows. “Thank you, thank you.”

“You know I wouldn’t have pegged you for an ABBA fan,” Julie says as she walks over to the rolls of construction paper, already thinking which combination of colors she’d use.

“Are you kidding me? They’re great,” he quickly defends himself. “Although, OK, yes, I’ll admit their music is definitely not what I usually go for, but that doesn't stop me from liking their stuff. Mad genius music, honestly.”

Julie understands that. Her dad is a huge ABBA fan so she has not only grown up with their music playing around the house, but also hearing her dad spew a speech similar to Luke’s about ABBA’s musical talent. Her mother would usually agree and then they would just break into song. So Julie nods at Luke’s words.

“That’s true. My dad absolutely loves them, so their music was always on growing up,” she says as she cuts pieces of purple paper.

Luke resumes his own work cutting paper.

“Your dad clearly has good taste,” he says.

Julie nods, focused on the task at hand. She quickly glances at him and sees him also deep in concentration cutting letters she can now tell, his tongue poking out of his mouth, and Julie looks away, smiling softly.

“So what’s your preferred genre?” she asks.

“I guess rock? That’s what I usually listen to, but like I said, I'm a grown up and I can admit and respect good music regardless of genre, even if I don’t play it myself,”

That gets Julie’s interest.

“You play?”

Luke nods, breaking out in a smile. “I do. I’m actually in a band.”

“So you live and breathe music?”

Luke lets out a laugh. “That’s one way to put it. I just- I don’t know. Music has the power to connect you with people, you know? And since I discovered how much I loved making music, I just want everyone to feel that connection, to help make them feel less alone, to feel they’re understood, to-”

“Give them a voice,” Julie finishes for him.

“Exactly,” he immediately agrees, and looks at her. “When I’m up there performing, I forget about everything and just want to make people feel a part of something.”

“Something bigger than all of us, right?”

Luke nods once again, frowning slightly and clearly taken aback by her words.

Julie gets it. It’s all the reasons and more she had for loving music and wanting to make music. The reasons why she applied to the music program in the first place.

“Do _you_ play?” Luke asks, piecing together what she was saying.

Julie shakes her head.

“No, but my mom did,” the lie feels so natural at this point that it’s automatic. Denying she loved (loves?) music as much as he seems to. She almost believes it herself. “She was even in a few bands when she was younger.”

“That’s so rad!”

“Rad? Luke, what year do you think we’re on?”

He scratches the back of his neck, a little embarrassed.

“I like the 90s, sue me,”

Luke turns to his phone, a mischievous smile on him as he scrolls through it. Then, the beginning of “Dancing Queen” starts playing and Julie doesn’t fight the smile on her face.

Luke once again sings along and Julie can’t help but stare.

Julie has admitted that Luke has a very cute smile, and he’s very nice to look at. He always seems to be running on a lot of energy but at this point, Julie is used to that. He’s having so much fun that Julie almost feels like joining him. He seems to notice that and steps closer, nudging her and trying to get her to sing.

Julie sobers up and just shakes her head, faking a smile.

“Sorry, but singing is really not my thing,” another lie that doesn’t feel like a lie anymore. Singing used to be her thing and now it’s not. It’s very simple.

“Oh come on! That’s what’s great about music, you don’t need to be good at it to just enjoy it and sing along,” Luke insists.

But Julie is firm in her resolution, no matter how strong Luke’s insistence goes. He’s giving her his best puppy eyes, but she doesn’t budge. She is stronger than falling for some white boy’s really cute eyes.

She firmly shakes her head.

“Alright, alright,” Luke relents, and continues singing, though Julie can tell it’s more subdued.

Julie hesitates, before nudging him as she finally joins him by humming the song.

She tells herself that maybe she can still enjoy music without singing and that’s why she caved in. The bright smile she receives from Luke has nothing to do with it.

And OK, that did feel like a lie.

* * *

**_v._ **

During her freshman year, Julie and Flynn go to The Replay, the only 18+ bar in town. Not only that, but during that first visit, they also find out that the bar hosts plenty of open mics for local bands.

Music major Julie absolutely loved that. And so her and Flynn became regulars. Though Flynn insisted, Julie never played there. She wanted to scout the scene first. Then that summer after her first year, her mother was diagnosed with cancer and she couldn’t focus on anything beyond that.

Flynn begs her to go with her to The Replay, tells her that she told one of her friends from dance class that she would go see him and his band and that she can’t go by herself.

Her talk with Luke the other day had made Julie think about music, and how much she loved it. Maybe it’s going to be good for her to listen to live music...

“So are they good?” Julie asks, as Flynn hands her a drink. Julie is not 21 yet, but Flynn is and well, that works just as fine with her. They sit at one of the tables at the bar as they wait for the band to come onstage.

Flynn shrugs. “Alex says they are,” is all she says.

Julie frowns. “Wait, Alex?”

She thinks about the Alex she knows and the fact that Luke mentioned he has a band and just as she’s connecting the dots, the lights go off and the lights on stage turn on. A guitar riff starts and then Alex — the same Alex Julie works with — counts down as the spotlight is on them and Luke starts singing.

_Take off, last stop_

_Count down till we blast open the top_

_Face first, full charge_

_Electric hammer to the heart_

Luke kicks his leg out in time with the music with the same energy he seems to carry with him everywhere he goes and Julie can’t look away. Luke’s presence demands attention not only in the way he sings but in the emotion emanating from him.

Reggie is killing it on the bass and Bobby is great on the guitar. Alex seems to be having a lot of fun on the drums. But Julie can’t help but be drawn to Luke.

One of Julie’s earliest memories is her mother’s love of music. How she sang to her as she put Julie to bed. Every night. Her mother was always singing or humming to herself while she cooked, folded laundry, or drove.

Music was her mother’s love language and naturally — inevitably — it became Julie’s, too.

For Julie, it seemed as if every time her mother sang the world stopped and listened.

“That’s what happens when _you_ sing, cariño,” her mother had told her when Julie shared her discovery with her. Julie’s still not sure that’s true.

Luke’s voice, she notes, is just as captivating as her mother’s and shares the same passion and emotion. The same drive.

And Julie can’t help but feel a little jealous of Sunset Curve and their ability to perform. She misses playing the piano and singing her heart out without feeling like her heart is going to break. She misses writing without it making her cry. She misses enjoying music without the pain that now curses through her when she does so. How can she keep playing, keep writing, keep singing when her mother is not there to see it, to guide her?

She can feel her throat closing up and suddenly she can’t be there anymore, so she grabs Flynn’s arm and tells her she needs some fresh air.

Outside, the night is clear — a really nice end-of-the-summer kind of night. Julie takes a deep breath and feels mildly better.

Julie’s leaning against the wall, head back resting on the wall and her eyes closed when Flynn finds her moments later.

“Jules?”

Julie slowly opens her eyes, looking at her friend.

“I- I’m never going to perform again, huh?”

Flynn rushes to her and immediately puts an arm around her shoulders. “You will, Julie. I have never, not even for a second, doubted that,” Flynn says with such conviction that Julie almost believes her. “It’s just taking some time, alright?”

Luke’s voice floats through and Julie smiles and nods at Flynn’s words.

Flynn leans against the wall next to her, silently offering her support. She bobs her head to the rhythm of the music. Julie watches her with a smile on her face. She’s so grateful to have her in her life.

“I think I’m better now,” Julie says. “We should go listen to the rest of the show. They are surprisingly good.”

***

“Julie? How are you here?” Luke asks her once the guys join Flynn and her at their table.

“Flynn brought me,” she answers pointing at her friend.

Alex immediately steps in.

“Wait, you’re Flynn’s friend?” he asks Julie. “That’s crazy.”

Luke and Reggie still look very confused.

“I’m still not following. What’s going on?”

“Flynn’s the friend from dance class I told you about. I invited her to check us out tonight,”

“And I brought my bestie,” Flynn pipes in, now pointing at Julie

“Who also happens to work with you,” Bobby adds, pointing at Luke and Alex.

“That’s insane. What are the odds?”

“I didn’t realize that when you mentioned you were in a band, that meant with the guys, but I should’ve guessed,” Julie says to Luke with a laugh. “You guys were really good,”

“Yeah?” Luke asks, his wide smile making her smile just as brightly.

Julie nods.

“I was really feeling it,”

That night, Julie writes more verses (she’s a little hesitant to call them lyrics yet). As she’s putting the pieces of paper in her dream box, she spots a different, slightly older box. The one that belonged to her mother.

Julie hasn’t dared to open it since her mother died, but she also couldn’t leave it at home.

She grabs it and brings it to the bed, where she opens it. Right on top finds the one last gift her mother left her. A song.

* * *

**_vi._ **

Being the artsy residence hall, HGC Hall is the only hall with practice rooms. In the basement, there’s a practice room for dancing, with a mirror and everything, and right next to it, a soundproof music room with a grand piano in it.

(There’s also a piano in the main lobby, but that’s definitely out of the question, Julie thinks).

It is one of the reasons why she applied to be an RA there in the first place. So it’s really not surprising at all that Julie ends up there on the night before move-in day after a day that included a very tiring obstacle course (“As bonding time,” Caleb had claimed, but to Julie, it looked like he was enjoying seeing them suffer a little too much).

She has walked by the room before, of course, but she had never gone in by herself. It felt a little daunting then. It definitely feels daunting now.

The piano sits almost in the middle of the room, in all of its majestic glory. She approaches it slowly, almost afraid. Touches the top and exhales loudly.

Julie walks around it to open the lid and, slowly and almost in reverence, lightly touches the keys.

It has been a while since the last time she tried this. But seeing the guys perform, hearing Luke talk about music with the same love she has — the same her mother had — it ignited something in her.

So there Julie was.

Nervously sitting in front of a piano and unfolding the music sheet she brought. The last song her mother wrote for her.

She places the sheet on top of the piano. Taking a deep breath, she starts playing.

And she feels like home. Like her mother is back in some way.

_Here’s the one thing I want you to know_

_You got some place to go_

_Life’s a test, yes, but you go toe to toe_

_You don’t give up, no, you grow_

Her throat closes up and Julie can feel herself tearing up. But she keeps singing. For her mother. For her dad and Carlos. For Flynn. But mainly for herself.

_And you use your pain ‘cause it makes you you_

_Though I wish I could hold you through it_

It’s exhilarating. How easy music just flows through her. Almost like riding a bike. An instinct that was just dormant but never gone. The lyrics, the song, the music just flows through her and she can feel herself feeling more and more alive.

When she plays the last notes, her eyes are shining, tears barely kept at bay. She feels content. She has been waiting for this moment for so long, she can’t wait to tell Flynn. And her dad and Carlos.

She looks up. “I did it, mom,” she says, softly, hugging the music sheet to her chest.

Maybe this year won’t be so terrible, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter’s going to be from Luke’s POV, but it’s still in progress. Any feedback is always welcome! Also, you can come talk to me on Tumblr here
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> \- "Un gato en la oscuridad" by Roberto Carlos  
> \- "The River" by Imagine Dragons  
> \- "Now or Never" by Julie and the Phantoms  
> \- "Wake Up" by Julie and the Phantoms.


	2. a first class let down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music is the revolving force in Luke Patterson’s life. Anyone watching could tell you that. There’s absolutely no doubt about it.
> 
> Music is at the core of so many of Luke’s defining moments that it’d be a mistake to think of Luke and not think of music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke's POV truly spiraled out of control. I don't know what this is, it's truly a little bit of a mess, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyways. And you might've noticed I added a couple more chapters, just to be safe.  
> Chapter title from "Polaroid" by Imagine Dragons.

**I.** **_all my life I've been living in the fast lane_ **

Music is the revolving force in Luke Patterson’s life. Anyone watching could tell you that. There’s absolutely no doubt about it.

Music is at the core of so many of Luke’s defining moments that it’d be a mistake to think of Luke and not think of music. They go hand-in-hand. And it all starts, officially, he guesses, when he is ten and his parents finally get him his first guitar.

He’d been asking for one since he was seven and his music teacher, Ms. Turner, played them a silly little song about tying shoes. She’d looked so cool playing that he came home that day and couldn’t shut up about it. He’d immediately told his parents he wanted to learn to play the guitar.

In fact, he asks for a guitar for every birthday and Christmas from then on.

His mother finally caves when he’s ten because they think that might help him sit still more. They think perhaps it’d be good if he channels this excess of energy he seems to have through that and maybe he’d focus better. Her plan works to some extent.

The minute Luke touches a guitar, his tiny mind knows this is it. This is what he’s supposed to do. The incessant buzzing cursing through his veins finally calms down. Almost as if this was the one thing missing in his very short life. Of course, he knows all of this in retrospect.

The guitar lessons also give Luke a friend. He meets Bobby on his first day of classes, after Luke trips over Bobby’s guitar case sending the poor boy to the ground. Luke smiles sheepishly, apologizes and helps him stand up. They instantly click and before they know it, they spend afternoons between their houses mastering the guitar.

It is around the same time, too, that words keep flooding Luke’s mind. His head seems to always be _on_. It gets to the point that Luke has to start writing the words down. He still remembers in third grade when Mr. Johnson tells them about verses and poems.

For some reason, that’s how words keep coming to him. So he writes poems. But he doesn’t tell anyone. It’s just too embarrassing.

Before he realizes, music takes over Luke’s life. And the older he grows, the more Luke also starts to notice the reactions from his parents. His mother’s pursed lips every time he tells them about his guitar lessons or music classes. The frown on his dad’s face when he gets home later than usual because he completely forgot about the time when he was practicing at Bobby’s. The looks they exchange any time he excitedly talks about music.

Eventually, he understands that he can’t talk about music with them, so he doesn’t. Bobby’s still his best friend. And Luke figures any music talk can be done at his house.

Bobby’s parents don’t have a problem with music. In fact, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson seem very supportive of Bobby’s love for music. Needless to say, Luke loves spending time at the Wilsons.

It doesn’t hurt that Bobby’s mom makes awesome brownies.

High school passes by both so quickly and so slowly. Luke and Bobby toy with the idea of playing together after Luke finally shows Bobby the songs he’s been writing.

“These are really good, dude,” Bobby says, scanning the page. “Your writing sucks, though.”

Luke shoves him playfully. “No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes, it does,” he says. He then grabs his guitar. “Show me how to play it.”

And Luke breaks out into a huge smile and does just that.

In sophomore year, Luke takes the plunge and sings at an open mic for the first time. He’s never been shy, so he takes the opportunity. Bobby is there, too, and actually backs him up on the guitar.

He starts with a cover. A new arrangement “High Hopes,” the new Panic song he’s been working on. It’s been on the radio a lot lately so people recognize the song, and some even start singing with him when he hits the chorus. He exchanges a look with Bobby and for the duration of the song, he feels like this room is the only thing existing in the world. He loves every second of it.

He gets it then: music connects him with people. For those fifteen minutes he performed that night, all those strangers weren’t total strangers. There was something connecting them. That feeling, that’s what he wants to do forever.

Of course, the high he’s riding gets ruined the minute he gets home. 

His phone has been blowing up (because he kind of forgot to tell his parents he was going to be home late, but whatever), and so the minute he steps in, all hell breaks loose.

“Where were you? Why did we give you a phone if you’re not going to answer it?” his mother immediately bombards him with questions.

He puts his hands up, trying to placate her.

“I’m so sorry, alright? Bobby and I got distracted and-”

His dad eyes the guitar case. “Where were you?”

“At his house,” he quickly says and based on the look his parents exchange, he immediately knows it’s the wrong thing to say.

“Really? Because we called his parents and they said you went to a bar,” his dad says, crossing his arms over his chest.

Luke winces and takes a step forward, hands still up. “Alright, yes,” he admits, “but it was not a bar, it’s a cafe and there was an open mic. We just wanted to check it out.”

“On a school night?” his mother asks him, skeptically. “Luke, you haven’t been home all day. You know that’s not how things work around this house.”

“I know, I’m sor-”

But his dad interrupts him. “Maybe we were wrong in giving you so much freedom.”

Luke shakes his head. “No, dad. Look, I’m sorry i didn’t call. That was wrong and it won’t happen again.”

“You’re right that it won’t happen again. From now on, every time you’re not here, we’ll need updates. And you’re grounded for the next two weeks. No more going to Bobby’s. After school, you come here.”

“What? That’s so unfair! Dad, you can’t do that-”

“Yes, I can,” he says. And exchanges a look with his mother. “ _We_ can. You have to learn that there are consequences to your actions.”

And so Luke is confined at home.

After that incident, he learns to be sneaky about his next music escapades.

He still notices his parents’ disapproving looks. He can see the disappointment in his mom’s eyes. And he wishes he could be the son they wanted, but he can’t.

His biggest fear is that his parents make him quit music. It never gets to that. But the fights get nastier and they stop hiding their disappointment.

Though college was never in Luke’s plans, college means getting out of his house and that gets Luke very excited about it. He really can’t wait to be as far away from them as possible.

He feels so relieved when his college acceptance letters start coming in. He doesn’t really care much about which school to go to, so he has long decided that he’s going wherever Bobby is.

Which proves to be the absolute best choice they’ll ever make.

At this very moment, Luke bounces his leg as he very impatiently tries and fails to pay attention to the person speaking at the front. He was expecting to have Bobby by his side all throughout orientation day but Bobby was accepted into the school of music and had to go to the school’s orientation.

In a different life, Luke would’ve probably been with Bobby, both of them newly accepted into the music program. He’s confident in his own abilities, sue him. But Luke always knew that applying for it was a no go, no matter how much his music teacher kept insisting he should. His parents would have never allowed it and he prefers to keep the peace with them for a few more months. So he doesn’t have a major yet and he’s fine with that. He’s extremely happy that Bobby was accepted into the program, though. He’s a killer guitarist.

Luke keeps glancing at the watch on his wrist, the minutes slowly tickling by.

He pulls out his notebook and starts scribbling words. He’s trying to fix the lyrics of a new song he’s been working on. That entertains him for a little more than five minutes before he turns to a blank page and starts doodling instead.

He then looks around. The guy to his right — a blond guy hits his pen on the desk and keeps sending him looks as Luke keeps fidgeting around. His mother always complained that he couldn’t sit still for five minutes. Seems like that’s still true.

Luke starts making a very rough sketch of the guy speaking at the front, frows burrowed and tongue sticking out in concentration. Then, he hears a faint sound. Almost like a guitar riff. He whips his head around, a frown on his face, trying to locate the source.

The blond next to him frowns at his antics, holding the pen midair. Luke eyes the AirPod sneakily hidden in the guy’s ear. 

He shoots him a look, a smirk on his face.

The guy remains unimpressed, and frowns confused. “What?” he whispers.

Luke shrugs. Points at his own ear.

The blond guy’s eyes widen in recognition and quickly snatches his AirPod out.

“Was it that loud?”

Luke shakes his head, a smile forming. “Nah, I just have really good hearing. Especially for music.”

The guy nods.

“Queen?”

He nods. “Wow, you really have good hearing, huh?”

Luke smiles, proud of himself and nods. “I’m Luke, by the way.”

“Alex,” the blond tells him.

The guys don’t believe him, but Luke will always swear that he knew right then and there that he knew they’d be best friends. The connection was there from the beginning. Freddy had never let him stray and he didn’t right there either.

Once the boring lecture is finally over, Luke finds himself calling Bobby.

“Bobby, where are you, man?”

“Dude, you gotta come check out the rooms in this building. It’s sick,” Bobby says the minute he answers the phone.

So Luke goes to do just that. As soon as he hangs up, he turns to Alex, whose hands are in the pocket of his joggers.

“You wanna go check out the music building?”

Alex takes a moment and then nods.

They find the building quick. From the outside, it’s nothing impressive. It’s just a regular building, and the lobby is just a regular lobby, but as soon as Luke steps into one of the music rooms, he’s speechless.

The walls are soundproof. There is a drum kit and a piano on the corner and the floor is nice hardwood. It’s a really sweet place, he notes. That’s where he finds Bobby as he’s intently watching a guy play a bass as he tries to follow along on the guitar. Luke vaguely recognizes the song as one of that one band Bobby loves so much.

Luke scans the room, still amazed by what he sees. And he can admit the slight pang he feels in his chest when he realizes that he won’t be able to enjoy everything a music program could offer. He smiles sadly as his eyes wander back to Bobby, who have stopped playing.

Luke’s grin returns. “Boys, you sounded great,” he says, taking a step closer to the guys.

“Thanks,” Bobby says. “Reggie here was telling me about the school and their great music rooms and well, I put his skills to test,” he explains.

“Dude, you’re really good,” Luke says as he offers Reggie his fist. Reggie smiles and bumps his own fist against it, muttering a quick ‘thanks.’

He claps a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “This is Alex, great music connoisseur,” he introduces him. Then looking at Alex he continues, “This is my friend Bobby and, well, you’ve heard him, that’s Reggie,”

“Hey guys,” Alex says, still a little unsure.

Luke keeps scanning the room, walking among the instruments. From the corner of his eye, he watches as Alex assesses the drum kit, touching the plates.

“You play?” he asks.

Alex looks surprised, but ultimately nods. “A little.”

Reggie tosses him some drumsticks. “Come on, then. Show us what you got.”

Alex catches the drumsticks, but shakes his head. “I don’t know. I’m really not that good.”

Luke gets close to him and pats him on the back. “I don’t think that’s true.”

He takes the guitar Bobby offers and waits for them.

Alex starts a beat. “Does ‘Sugar We’re Going Down’ work for you?”

Luke breaks out into a huge grin, exchanging a look with Bobby, who just rolls his eyes. They are both very aware how obsessed Luke was with Fall Out Boy back in the day. Of course he knows this song (he knows all of them).

So he joins Alex on the guitar. Bobby also accompanies with a second guitar and after a few beats of Reggie looking at the chords they both are playing, he joins in with the bass.

Luke’s grinning widely as he sees how well they play together. Bobby nods at him and Luke shrugs and starts singing.

_Am I more than you bargained for yet?_

_I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear_

_'Cause that's just who I am this week_

Luke looks around and sees his matching grin reflected on all the other three boys. And is once again amazed by the power of music. He’s literally playing a song with two strangers for the first time. That’s what music can do. Connect you with people. It’s a feeling he’ll never get tired of.

When the drums solo interval comes, Alex confidently shows what Luke suspected. That he’s more than ‘just OK’ and he follows along with the guitar.

“Tell me you guys also felt that,” he says the minute they finish the song, grinning excitedly. Their matching grins is all the answer he needs.

Apparently, Reggie is also a music major, a prodigy in the cello and a legacy student. No wonder he knew the ins and outs of the school. He takes all three of them on a tour and all throughout Luke can only think how this — hanging out with them, playing with them — feels so right.

Luke, for the first time, doesn’t immediately bring up the idea of forming a band. The four of them manage to keep in touch all throughout the summer, so Luke slowly brings up the topic: a text here, a mention while FaceTiming there. They meet twice before school starts. And the first time they hang out, they of course have a jam session in Bobby’s garage and after, Luke outright asks. Alex hesitates and surprisingly Bobby does, too. But Luke is anything except a quitter, so he’s gonna give them time. He knows they’ll cave.

A month into the school year they do. And Sunset Curve is born (Reggie’s great at names, apparently). So yeah, Luke might not be a music major, but he still manages to make music.

******II. _can't slow down, I'm a rollin' freight train_**

Everything goes to shit on Thanksgiving break his freshman year.

All semester Luke manages to not go back home. Sunset Curve play at a couple of open mics, playing covers. He’s looking forward to the break to finally practice without school getting in the way, but his plans are tramped when the guys announce they are all going home for the break.

“What?”

“I’m really sorry, Luke,” Reggie says, always apologetic. “But I’ll be spending Christmas with dad and mom won’t let me live if I’m not there for Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah, and I promised Ellie I would be there for the break. We’re watching the new Pixar movie,” Alex explains.

Luke’s frown softens. He gets it. He turns to look at Bobby, who just shrugs.

“You know how my folks are, man. They love the holidays. Thanksgiving not as much as Christmas, but still,”

Luke shakes his head, frown now gone. “I get it, guys. It’s fine. But we should figure out a way to rehearse over winter break, then.”

“Definitely, bro,” Reggie immediately agrees.

And that’s that. Luke’s going home for Thanksgiving. At least, he’ll hang out with Bobby, he thinks. And the band gets a final practice on that Tuesday before they all return home.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving Luke opens the door, carrying his guitarcase. His mother hugs him, and for a minute, Luke thinks that maybe the break won’t be so bad. Maybe it will be free of fights.

In hindsight, he probably jinxed himself when he had that thought.

The next morning, Mitch Patterson starts by asking him about school. Luke replies that things are actually going great. He doesn’t mention the band, but he mentions Alex and Reggie.

“And Bobby? How’s he? Are you guys still friends?” his mother asks.

Luke frowns. “Of course we’re still friends, mom. What kind of question is that?”

“I was just asking. College is a different place and people change,”

“Well, we haven’t. And you both know that because you know we’re in a band together.”

“So that’s still a thing?” his mother asks, pursing her lips.

Luke definitely notices that and it’s not happy about it.

“Yes, mom. It’s still a thing. We’re actually really good.”

“Look, son, we don’t mind you’re in a band,”

“Of course not, honey. It’s a fun hobby, we get it–”

“No, you don’t get it. Yes, school is first for now, but the minute the band gets big, that’s what we’ll do.”

His mother laughs. “Please, Luke. Be realistic,”

“I am!”

“There’s no point in discussing some hypothetical. We’re happy you’re in a band–”

“As long as it doesn’t disturb school, right?”

“We just want you to be realistic about your future,” Mitch says.

“As long as it doesn’t involve music,” he finishes their thought, shaking his head.

He’s seen the looks over the years. The disappointment every time he ranted over music when he was younger. That’s why he stopped telling them about things.

“It’s not that we don’t believe in you, but you’re an adult and you need to leave those childish dreams behind,” his mom says.

Luke scoffs, clearly taken aback by her statement.

“Childish dream?”

“You’re an adult now, you need to start acting like one,” she continues.

And Luke’s had it. He can’t be there any longer.

“You want me to act like a grown up? Fine. I’m leaving, then. I can’t keep living here,”

Luke goes upstairs and grabs a duffel bag, starts putting random clothes in it, some notebooks and other important things.

His mother follows him.

“Luke, come on. You can stop this tantrum now,”

“This is not a tantrum. You’ve always looked down on my love for music, you don’t want me to be who I am and I can’t be here,”

“We just don’t want you to waste your future,” his mother tries to reason, now in a softer tone.

“Because you don’t believe in me,”

“There’s so much more than believing in your abilities, son. Do you know how many people dream to make it big?”

“They don’t have what we have,” he counters back. “You have never even heard us play,” he adds in a softer voice.

“Luke, stop packing. Please, let’s talk this out,” his mother begs.

Luke ignores her pleas and keeps putting his stuff on the duffel bag on his bed.

“No, I’m tired. You’re not going to change your mind and I can’t play pretend anymore”

Once he’s all packed, he grabs his wallet, his bags and his guitar and walks down. His father is waiting for him at the door, holding Luke’s car keys.

He stares at him.

“If you step out of this house,” his father starts, “you can forget all about the car or us paying for your rent or your food. Once you’re out, you’re on your own.”

Luke frowns, his mouth open in shock. Looks at his mom, who seems ready to fight dad. But she remains silent. He scoffs.

“Fine,” he says, grabbing his bags and guitar and walking out of the door.

A block from his house, he furiously wipes the tears threatening to fall down his face. They don’t deserve his tears. He walks towards Bobby’s house, gears already turning inside his head trying to figure out what’s next.

\-----

What’s next is this: Luke applies last-minute to become a resident assistant — RA, as everyone calls them. From the description, it doesn’t sound like a great job. He’s supposed to supervise students living in the residence halls. Which he knows is just another way to say he’s supposed to babysit these freshmen. It’s not the best job. But the benefits are great. He gets free room and board, and now that he’s on his own re: rent, he figures this is his best bet.

Bobby insists that Luke can definitely crash with him. But Luke never wants to be a burden. He has too much pride. He will make it on his own. Besides, the RA job gives him a small stipend and he’ll keep his work at the coffee shop. He’ll survive.

Luke knows his charm can get him what he wants, most times. He’s charmed his way out of trouble before. So this time is no different. He charms his way into getting the job and moves into HGC Hall five days into the new year.

The place isn’t too bad, for being paid for, and he managed to score a spot working in the artistic housing building, which means free access to the pretty sweet music room in the basement. Sunset Curve has found a new practice place.

His parents start calling him at the end of January. He lets all of the calls go to voicemail.

Instead, Luke turns all his focus on music. On the days he’s not busy with work and/or school, Luke makes the band practice. And even during lectures, he writes.

So far, Sunset Curve has only played covers. But Luke is determined to make them work on original songs. He had shown the boys one of his songs over winter break and together they’d workshopped it so that it worked for all their instruments.

He has been working on more songs nonstop since then. And surprisingly, he’s been as productive as he’s ever been.

Over spring break, Luke is forced to work. As a newbie, he mistakenly accepts the shifts no one wants, and gets stuck in the building for all the break. Bobby goes home for a weekend and by Monday of the break, he’s back in town. The band takes advantage of the empty music room and practices all week. Luke writes _Long Weekend_ and _Now or Never_. And Sunset Curve has their first paid gig.

By the time the summer after his first year comes, Sunset Curve is a regular band in a couple of places around town. They’re slowly building up a following.

Luke finally gives in and takes Bobby’s offer to stay at his house for the summer, or well, his parents' house that has a sweet garage that easily doubles as a rehearsal space.

Being back home turns out to be not as bad. Mr. and Mrs. Wilson never pushed for explanations, even back when he first left his house over Thanksgiving break. But of course, Luke should’ve known it was not going to last long.

He wants to feel ambushed, but he should’ve seen it coming. Mara Wilson is going to the store and he offers to go with her since Bobby is still asleep. She agrees with a smile.

Luke likes Mrs. Wilson. The Wilsons were always the place where his love for music was accepted and encouraged. There was a short period of time, growing up, where he was a little jealous of Bobby. Of the fact that he had parents who were OK with his passion for music. That was short-lived, though, because he loved Bobby more. He was his first friend and he used to be more shy than Luke ever was, which made Luke feel very protective of Bobby.

“Bobby’s birthday is coming up. I was thinking you could invite the band? Do you think they’ll be able to come down for it?”

Luke stares at her. “I actually already invited them?” he confesses, scratching the back of his neck.

“Oh, wonderful! Tell them they should stay for the entire week, if they can. We can pull up a mattress in the garage,”

“Really?”

“Yes, of course! Besides, I want to hear you guys play,” she says, already trying to find the next item in her list.

Luke nods, excitedly. He grabs some cake powder and puts it in the cart. As he turns the corner of an aisle, he sees her. His mother. And immediately turns back around before she sees him. Mrs. Wilson notices it.

“I- I think I should go grab more chips. I- I’ll meet you out front?”

Mrs. Wilson only nods.

And Luke goes as far away from his mother as possible. He knew this could happen. They lived near the same area of the city as the Wilsons. It was just a matter of time. But he thought he could have more time. He doesn’t know what to feel. He’s still too hurt by his dad actively kicking him out. And his mother didn’t even try harder to stop him. She let him do that to Luke.

So yes, he misses them. But he can’t hear them out just yet. Not when they don’t believe in him.

His hand itches for a pen and a notebook. He hates writing on the notes app. But the idea might go away. So he pulls his phone up and types one single sentence.

Mrs. Wilson ambushes him as they’re bringing the bags in.

“We’ve always respected your privacy and never asked you what happened over Thanksgiving. But I think you should try and talk to them, alright?” Mrs. Wilson asks.

Luke remains silent because what could he really say? He’s not ready. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be.

“She has contacted me, you know,” Mrs. Wilson continues. “I know she misses you”

Luke closes his eyes. “I- I appreciate the concern, Mrs. Wilson, but I don’t think–”

“At least think about it, alright?” she interrupts him.

At that, Luke nods. “OK.”

He still doesn’t contact either of his parents. But two days after, he starts writing a song of all the things he would say to his mother. He doesn't tell anyone about it.

**III.** **_love is a polaroid_ **

The first time Luke touched a guitar, he thought that was it. He’d found the love of his life.

All his energy was channeled into it, which naturally translated into him never being super interested in dating. He did go on a few dates in high school, but nothing more than that.

And after Sunset Curve is formed, music is in his mind 25/7.

So he’s not even thinking about girls, guys or anyone really by the time he’s almost out of college. He’s nearing the end of his junior year. And his second full year working at HGC Hall (he’s in his fifth semester). He has convinced both Alex and Reggie to join him as an RA, but poor Reggie was selected for Lessa Hall, but he hangs out at HGC Hall more often than not. Luke works some night shifts and weekend shifts at a cafe downtown for some extra money and he’s gotten the hang of it.

The band is now getting bigger gigs — even in nearby towns. Their original material is taking off and their following keeps growing. They’re working on a demo that they hope to record over the summer. So yeah things are looking up.

Then, he meets Julie Molina and everything he thought about dating goes right out of the window.

The day they meet is spring orientation day for RAs. Usually, spring orientation is just a way to get to know new members of the housing team for the following year. It’s just a few hours of a Saturday to welcome the new people. Luke once again scores a spot at HCG Hall — which he isn’t really sure how since he’s positive Caleb, his boss, hates him.

That morning, Reggie and Alex are hanging out in his room. Luke wanted some help in figuring out a new song he’d been working on even though orientation starts at 10.

“Luke, why the fuck are we up so early on a Saturday?” Alex says, plopping down on the beanbag chair next to Luke’s bed, looking at the ceiling.

Luke ignores him and just grabs a guitar pick from his box. Starts lightly strumming it.

Reggie sits on the bed, loudly taking a sip from his water bottle.

Luke hands Alex his notebook opened on the page he’s scribbling lyrics on. “Check this out.”

He then plays some chords and sings a little bit of the lyrics. “I know there’s something missing, but I can’t quite figure out what,” he explains.

Alex nods, definitely understanding what he means.

They spend the next hour the same way, trying to figure out what’s wrong, when Alex’s alarm goes off.

Reggie immediately exchanges a look with Luke before both of them sprint out of the room. Alex watches them go with a tired exhale. He stands up and follows after them, resigned.

Luke beats Reggie. Boasts loudly about it and then turns to look at the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.

And alright, he knows what he sounds like. You probably think he’s exaggerating, but he’s really not. This girl is a wicked beauty. With her beautiful curls framing her face and her beautiful eyes.

He faintly hears Alex apologizing for their behavior. And Luke wants to take back the last five minutes.

Willie tells her she’s their new co-worker and his smile is just as wide. His excitement must be visible because he sees Alex roll his eyes and as soon as Julie’s not watching, Alex is elbowing him. ‘Chill’ Alex mouths at him. And Luke pouts, but follows the advice, trying his best to tamper his excitement.

Still, he sits by her side. He just can’t help it, alright? He suddenly understands why sunflowers turn to the sun. That’s exactly how he feels right now.

His plans to learn more about her are stopped by Carrie, a first year RA. Carrie’s OK as long as she’s not addressing him — which, lucky for him, is most of the time.

“I’m surprised you’re here today,” she addresses Julie, giving her a onceover. “Don’t you have to practice for-”

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” Julie says, attempting a smile. “I don’t really need as much practice as you.”

Luke tries to stifle his laugh. Alex snorts.

Carrie sends them both glares. Then turns her attention to Julie.

“Oh good. I’d hate it if you got kicked out,” she says before going to sit in the front row.

“I’m sure,” Julie mutters under her breath.

“What was that?” Luke asks at the same time that Alex asks: “How do you know Carrie?”

Julie sighs.

“We have a class together and we have this big presentation on Thursday,”

“Wait, Carrie’s in the music program,” Luke says, not really hiding his excitement. “Are you in it, too?”

Julie shakes her head. “No, I’m just taking one music class.”

“Oh, nice,” he says, scrunching up his nose. If she’s taking a music class, maybe it means she’s interested in it. At least he hopes so.

\-----

The summer is spent recording Sunset Curve’s demo. Luke stays at Bobby’s for the third year in a row. He’s yet to talk to his parents. His priority has been solely on school and the band (at least that’s his excuse).

“Mrs. Wilson, these might be your best pancakes yet,” Luke says that morning, savoring the dish.

Mara Wilson just nods, a warm smile on her face.

“Oh, you’re too sweet, Luke, and I’ve told you a million times, just call me Mara.”

“It’s too weird, Mrs. W,” he says, shaking his head.

That’s when Bobby comes down the stairs, bedhead still on and stifling a yawn.

“Good morning, honey,” his mom greets him. Bobby grunts in response, serving himself a cup of coffee.

“What’s the plan for today?”

Luke sits up straighter, eager to speak about his plans. “Alex and Reggie shouldn’t be too long and then we’ll head to the studio,”

“That’s exciting. You guys are enjoying the place, then?”

Luke nods. “It’s really nice. We’re having a lot of fun,” he says.

“Luke’s finally figured out how to work the system out,” Bobby adds. “So we’re finally doing a full session today.”

They had been saving money to rent a studio space for recording their demo since their sophomore year. This summer they finally got the money and, to top that off, Mrs. Wilson revealed she knew someone who could get them a space for almost free, so they took it. (Luke is grateful at least one of their parents is supportive of their dreams).

Luke is the unofficial producer of the demo. He has an idea on how he wants the final product to sound like, so Alex, Bobby and Reggie all agree to let him take the lead. They all get a say, of course, but they’re happy to let Luke lead. They settle on five songs: _Now or Never_ , _Long Weekend_ , _Late Last Night_ , _Lakeside Reflection_ and _In Your Starlight_.

Luke spends nights figuring out the ins and outs of music producing. And he continues to write a lot. They record most of the day and then either practice or play at bars and venues around town. They even go into a mini tour in nearby towns to promote the upcoming demo.

He also thinks about Julie a lot. They didn’t exchange numbers, so sadly he has no way of contacting her. He mopes about this fact for an entire month after they meet.

Bobby and Alex make fun of him every chance they get. Reggie joins in, but gives him a little more of a break.

So yeah, summer passes by quickly. Before he knows it, Luke’s back at school again.

For his last year in college.

That’s wild.

“Why are you smiling?” Alex asks as the band brings their music equipment inside HGC Hall.

Luke turns to look at him. Shrugs. 

“Exciting things are happening, man,” Luke says, putting his hands on Alex’s shoulders. “We just recorded a demo. And we’re starting our final year in college.”

“Right. Let’s pretend that’s why you’re excited about the start of the semester,” Bobby adds, as he carries a box inside.

Luke frowns, plays dumb. “Of course that’s why I’m excited. What else would it be?”

“And it has nothing to do with the fact that you’ll work with Julie, again?”

“What? No, of course not,” Luke immediately denies it, but avoids looking at any of them. Instead, he focuses on grabbing a couple of guitar cases and bringing them in.

“Whatever you say, Lukie Luke,” Bobby yells as he’s leaving.

No matter what they say, Luke is curious about Julie. She seems like a cool girl and he just wants to get to know her better.

But he doesn’t have a crush on her. He doesn’t get crushes.

**IV. _you are the opera, always on time and in tune ..._**

So alright, Luke might be getting a small crush on Julie.

So what? He thinks it’s totally understandable. 

The more time he spends with Julie, the more impossible it becomes not to fall for her.

He knew that from the moment they met and becomes more true the more time they spent together. To top it off, she surprises him when she so quickly understands his ramblings about music. When she listens and doesn’t stop him. Not even Bobby or Alex or Reggie had done it as fast. And yet there is something about Julie that Luke can’t help but feel drawn to.

Then, Luke hears Julie sing. And well, it’s over for him. There’s no crushing his feelings.

This is how it happens: Because of training, Sunset Curve hasn’t had much time to rehearse. Naturally, they have taken up to practice at night, taking advantage of the fact that no students are in the building. As far as they were aware nobody else used it. But tonight, someone beat them to it.

On some level, Luke knows just by listening to the girl sing that the voice belongs to Julie. And it’s such a powerful voice, that Luke feels the sadness and the hope the lyrics talk about. He can feel her pain and really Luke truly never stood a chance.

He sees Reggie look through the door’s small window.

“It’s Julie,” he whispers, confirming what Luke already knew.

“Holy shit, she’s freaking amazing,” Alex says.

Luke can only nod, still entranced by her voice, by the emotion coming from it. She is a musician and that’s why she’d understood so viscerally his speech about music. He should’ve seen it sooner.

He feels Bobby nudging at him and from the corner of his eye, sees the boy exchanging amused looks, but he doesn’t care.

By the time Julie finishes singing, he has a small frown on his face. Why did she hide this from him? She knows how important music is for them, wouldn’t she like to share that with someone? His mind is still reeling on this when the doors to the music room open and out comes Julie, coming face to face with the four boys, who quickly exchange looks.

She offers them an awkward smile. “Oh, hey guys, did you–?” she points to the room.

Luke feels himself nod.

“You are a wrecking ball,” he says and already knows that Alex is shaking his head.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re like a human wrecking ball,” he tries to explain. “Your voice, your piano playing,”

“What he’s trying to say is that you’re really talented, Julie,” Bobby steps in, trying to help Luke out.

Luke immediately nods in agreement.

“And what we heard was pretty freaking amazing,” Luke hears Reggie saying and Alex immediately agreeing.

“Oh, thanks,” she says, smiling almost shyly. Then she suddenly notices that they’re carrying their instruments and puts two and two together.

“Oh god, you guys are here for practice. I’ll be out of your hair,”

“You could stay,” Luke offers without hesitation.

“It’s getting late,” she says. And Luke can’t hide his disappointment fast enough. “Maybe next time.”

He nods before she walks away. Luke stares at her retreating form.

“Dude, you need to get better at hiding your crush,” Alex mutters.

And Luke, for the first time, doesn’t deny he has one.

\-----

He can’t stop thinking about Julie, so logically, he finds one of the songs he wrote that he thinks she would absolutely slay.

And Luke reworks it all night to fit her range. He even tries to add some piano at the beginning. He knows he’s getting ahead of himself, but he’s always thinking about music and he can’t help but connect Julie to it. Besides, his mind won’t shut up until he does this.

The next day passes by in a blur. This is his third move-in day, so he knows the drill. He’s in charge of the carts to help residents with their stuff. Which means he’s busy interacting with parents and freshmen all morning.

He gets a break around lunchtime and instead of going to get food, Luke opens his songbook and keeps working on “Bright,” the song that he’s been trying to fix for some time. For some reason, he’s decided that he will separate the songs he thinks Julie would slay and rework them a little bit to see if he can add some piano in it. And “Bright” just screams Julie.

She finds him hunched over the open notebook and sitting on the stairs leading up to the dining hall.

“What are you doing here?” she says, sitting down next to him.

Luke closes his notebook. Not because he doesn’t want to show her the songs, but he just thinks there are other things to discuss first.

“Fixing some songs,” he answers. “How’s elevator duty going?”

She shrugs. “Busy, but I think we’re all busy,”

He nods. “This is the first time I’m sitting in hours,” he says stretching his legs in front of him.

Luke turns his attention to his notebook and plays with the cover.

“How was practice?”

“Good. We have a big gig coming up and once the semester starts, it gets a little harder to practice so we’re trying to squeeze as much time as we can right now,” he explains. Then takes a deep breath and continues: “You should come watch us practice and offer some tips.”

“I don’t think you want my advice,” she says softly.

“Um, no,” he disagrees. “I do want to hear your honest review of our music. What we heard last night, your talent,” he continues, shaking his head in awe. “You have the power to move people, you know how amazing that is?”

She lets out a quick laugh. And that triggers a soft grin on his face.

“Lately, I haven’t been feeling that way about music,”

“Well, we all feel like that sometimes. But you don’t need to sing if you don’t want to, I just want your honest opinion on our music.”

“What I heard the other night was fantastic, honestly,” she admits, earnest.

“Yeah?”

She nods once, a soft smile on her face. The kind of smile capable of stopping Luke’s heart for a tiny fraction of a second. He thinks he could write a million songs about her smile. About her eyes. About her.

He smiles back when she quickly glances at him.

“You want my opinion?” she asks, fixing a loose hair into place. “Hit me with what you’re working on, then.”

And so Luke gets her input on “Bright” and finally, after so many months of trying to get it right, it takes less than an hour with Julie for the song to be up to Luke’s standards.

**V. _… and I am the color of boom_**

As an RA, Luke gets to be “on duty,” which just means that he’s the RA they call for any emergencies, one to two nightweeks per month and two weekends per semester. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but weekend duties can be rough. It involves a lot of dealing with drunk residents.

His first weekend, he even had to clean up puke twice since he got paired up with a girl who couldn’t even be near it. He still has nightmares about that night. He’s excited when Alex joins the team since that means they get to be on duty together.

But the universe is truly on his side when it works out that he gets paired with Julie on what would be her first weekend duty shift. Because the nights he’s on duty generally translate into late nights, he usually ropes the guy for rehearsal or if they’re not free, he writes. This time is no exception.

Luke sits on the front desk chatting with Alex and Willie, who once again is in charge of the desk. He really likes when Willie works at the desk. He’s really cool and a great skateboarder. Plus, he can tell Alex likes him so he’s willing to be a wingman.

Willie is telling them how he did in the latest competition he participated in.

“Dude, that’s sick. Congrats!” Luke says. 

“When are the regionals?” Alex asks.

“Next month,” Willie replies. “Here in the city, actually.”

“You have to let us know the actual date so we can be there,” Alex offers just as Reggie and Bobby join them.

“Where are we going?” Bobby asks.

“To see Willie compete at the regionals,” he says, quickly glancing at Alex, who pointedly ignores him.

Reggie and Bobby smirk at Alex, too, making the latter roll his eyes.

“Why are you third wheeling here?” Bobby asks Luke, earning him a middle finger from Alex.

Luke rolls his eyes.

“I’m waiting for Julie to do rounds,” he says, checking his phone.

Now, the smirks are directed in his direction. Luke pointedly ignores them.

He knows that he can be very obvious with his feelings, even though he’s never really had big crushes on people. But still. Julie is different. And after hearing her sing, and after she helped him finish “Bright,” Luke just wants to keep spending time with her. Sue him.

When she shows up, Julie seems distracted. She barely gives the guys a hi before grabbing the notepad from Willie.

Luke frowns.

She remains silent by the time they hit the second floor and Luke can’t take it anymore.

“So I was thinking, we could show the guys the tweaks we did to the song? If you’re up for it?”

Julie finally snaps out of it, quickly glancing at him.

“Um, yeah. That- that could be good,” she says, still a little distracted, holding her hands in front of her.

Luke grins widely. “Awesome! We usually rehearse on weekends we’re on duty because it’s usually Alex and I–”

That stops her on her tracks. “Am I getting in between you guys?”

Luke lets out a laugh. “Don’t worry. Our love is strong enough,”

That elicits a laugh from her and Luke bounces lightly as they resume walking.

Luckily, the first round of the nights, which usually happens early in the night, are easy to get through and before they know it, he’s on the guitar, nodding at Julie encouragingly as she starts playing the new arrangement on the piano. And then she starts singing:

_Sometimes I think I’m falling down_

_I wanna cry, I’m calling out_

_For one more try to feel alive_

Luke joins her on the guitar and then Reggie finds the bass arrangement easily. And right before the chorus, Alex joins in on the drums and Bobby on the guitar. And if Luke didn’t believe in magic before, moments like this make him feel like it exists.

Music fills every part of Luke’s life. He wasn’t lying when he agreed with Julie’s statement that he lives and breathes music because he’s aware that’s true. He does. And when music makes him feel as alive and whole as it does every time he performs, well, then Luke’s never stood a chance.

He was meant to make music.

But when he hears Julie, he learns a completely new meaning to what music is. The more he listens to her sing, the more he understands: Julie is music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> -"Polaroid" by Imagine Dragons  
> -"High Hopes" by Panic at the Disco  
> -"Sugar We're Goin' Down" by Fall Out Boy  
> -"Bright" by Julie and the Phantoms.  
> -And the names of songs from Sunset Curve that have been mentioned on the show.


End file.
